Still got it!

Today while I was driving, some guys in a car waved, smiled and honked the horn at me. It was a bit shocking since I haven't had random guys flirt with me since way back when flirting was my only means of communicating with the opposite gender.

I flashed a cheesy smile which I'm sure made their day. If they have to resort to flirting while driving then I'm pretty sure any form of reaction would make them feel pretty good about themselves.

What made me giggle more than the attention was the fact that they couldn't see my wedding band or the bulge that is my 7-month-pregnant belly. HA! If only they knew.

When was the last time someone flirted with you? Were you flattered or just creeped out?

Pregnancy Discrimination.

It exists. And I hate it.

When I was pregnant with my first child, I was finishing up school and doing my student teaching. Student teaching is by far one of the worst experiences anyone ever has to go through, in my personal opinion at least. I did not get along with my cooperating teacher and communication was dismal. So when my supervisor from the college wrote on my letter of recommendation all the wonderful things I did in the classroom, you can imagine my surprise when he went on to blame the dysfunctional relationship between the cooperating teacher and me on, what else? Pregnancy. Shock, utter shock. How can one (or two or three in my case) be so narrow minded and flat out stupid? I was appalled and of course nothing was done about it, even though I complained. Heck, he even spelled my name wrong.

So why am I bringing this up? Because the sensitive nerve that was afflicted many years ago was hurt again today. I called my health insurance provider because I was confused about 2 bills I received and a claim summary. I thought the claim summary went along with the bill and didn't know why I received a second bill. I thought the bill was paid for and take care of. Also, it didn't add up that the claim summary was not the same amount as the bill. If all that was confusing for you to read then you can imagine my state of mind. The lady on the phone was able to clear up the simple matter and let me know the bill was still pending (which is why I received another bill from the DR) and the claim summary was for lab work done on a wart. I have been to a doctor about 1,000 times in the last 10 years for my wart and no one has ever taken a biopsy -- until a month ago. I forgot about that lab work.

So all in all it was a simple misunderstanding on my part and I was grateful to have it cleared up. Perhaps the woman on the line didn't want me to feel stupid or embarrassed so she offered this explanation, "Oh, you are pregnant." Excuse me? I wanted to say. I have been alive for 314 months and have only been pregnant for 15. And let me tell you...I have made A LOT of dumb mistakes. So please, please, please, do not blame my silly error on the MIRACLE that is happening in my body.

Trauma for the Mama.

Imagine this. You take your child to the doctor for a well-baby check and shots. The doc pokes around at the baby and things are fine. Then he wants to give the shots and the baby starts to panic. The baby knows that getting shots are not fun. So, the baby screams, squirms and flails. "Hmm..." The doc says. "The baby is healthy and should get this polio vaccine, but I'm only going to give it to her if she lets me. Once she is sitting perfectly still and NOT crying, I will administer the life-saving vaccine."

So that isn't exactly what happened today, but here is what did happen.

I took Missy to the dentist to have her teeth cleaned. She has been once before (to a different dentist) and they made her teeth shine. Try as I may, I have to pin the poor girl down every night to scrub her teeth. I also knew that she wasn't due to for a cleaning for another month but I was willing to pay out-of-pocket to clean up her mouth. There is this one spot that builds up and I can't get it clean. As a new mom, teeth have been a source of stress and worry, next to getting her to sleep.

I even talked to My Hero and we decided that paying extra money to have her teeth cleaned was well worth it.

So we got up early this morning to make it to our 8 am appointment. Filled out the paperwork and tried to take Missy potty (which didn't work for the little fact that after our recent excursion to Sea World she does not want anything to do with big potties that flush while she is still on them). So that was a bit stressful.

Finally, we make it to the dental chair and they put on cartoons and give her a balloon. She's content. The dental assistant comes in and asks me about my concerns. I tell her about the build-up and I want to get it cleaned off. I tell her that she has been to a dentist before and I had to pin her down to get her teeth cleaned. "Oh." She says. "I will only clean her teeth if she lets me. I don't want to take it too far." Excuse me? I pin this girl down every night to brush her teeth. It may be harsh but I love this girl too much to let her teeth rot. I plead with the dental assistant, "I need to get her teeth cleaned. I have to pin her down for shots too! I'm worried about her teeth." She takes my concern lightly saying, "We don't want to traumatize her. At her age, coming to the dentist is about getting used to it."

Shocked. I'm absolutely shocked. Are two-year-old teeth any less important than adult teeth? Should I just not brush her teeth either? Do you think I enjoy having to brush her teeth every night while she screams?

The dental assistant checks her mouth and sees the yellowy-gunk I was telling her about. "Oh, I see that. It is just a stain." Just a stain?? The dentist comes in and I pin Missy down so he can look in her mouth. "Ah yes, a stain." He confirms. "You don't want to let that decay." DUH!!!!! THAT IS WHY I'M HERE!" I feel like screaming. "Well, you can go to a dentist who will do that, but we don't do that here." I told them I thought this was a pediatric dentist. "Oh, we do work on children." Ones that don't scream, they think.

So I walk out of there with no bill, thankfully, but a traumatizing experience perhaps more for me than my precious little one. What hurt so bad was trying so hard to do the right thing for my child only to have a professional tell me, "We don't want to traumatize her."

So I started to think of all the other "traumatizing" things I do to her. She cries to go to sleep some nights and for some naps. She cries because she wants to watch more T.V. She cries because she is in her car seat. She cries because I take something away. She cries because she doesn't want to get dressed. I could go on. The fact of the matter is, she doesn't always want to do something I want her to do, even if it is in her best interest. My job is to see she is taken care of.

Now, sometimes she doesn't want to get in her leotard and tights but I still make her. Is ballet essential? Of course not. But once she gets there, she likes it. If she hated it even after taking her for a month I would reconsider. Does she like getting her teeth brushed? Heck no! But wouldn't it be great if she had healthy teeth a few years down the road? Yes sirree!

Granted, there are PLENTY of things that I am relaxed about. Does she sometimes skip a bath? Yes. Did she sleep with me for her first year? Yes. Do I always wipe her hands and face after a meal? No. Does she watch T.V.? Yes. Do I always force her to get dressed? Not if we are going to hang around the house. The point is, there are plenty of things that I let go, but for really important stuff like TEETH, she will have them cleaned.

So even though I came home in tears I realized that I'm willing to fight for my daughter. I'm willing to stand up for what I think is right. I'm not just going to take what they say and be OK with it, because they are in scrubs. I am her mother and I care about her.

What about you? What do you stand up for?

The honeymoon is over.

I knew this would happen. I knew that things would settle down and life would get a little harder. I knew it couldn't last forever. It's true...life is getting a little dull now that I'm settling into my new life living with my parents. For the first week and a half I was busy rearranging my room buying needed things like a stroller and lamp, seeing old friends and enjoying Missy's new sleep breakthrough.

But now it is March and I feel I'm at the point where I am going to sink or swim. March 2nd was a very BLAH day. I stayed up way too late the night before and read an entire book, had nothing planned for the next day and didn't want to go out. The combination of being tired, cranky and unmotivated was very depressing. I resolved to do better the next day and so today we had a fun day at the park with dear friends, Missy had a long nap, I made dinner and cleaned it up for my parents.

I also reevaluated my goals. Initially they were vague, dreamy type goals that I never really nailed down. I have a habit of trying to be too serious and making goals that make me, for lack of a better term, a "better person." Yes, I realize that is what goals are for, but I was taking it a bit too seriously.

I decided that what I really needed to do was have FUN. Hmm....that is a new concept. It seems that somewhere between going off to college and getting married knocked some fun out of me. It is true that I have a lot of fun with My Hero, but I think the whole trying to be a grown-up thing really stressed me out.

So what is on my agenda? How shall I take on this monster of a goal? Easy. Take each week at a time, with big things to look forward to over the next three months and to not worry about spending some money. (Don't worry, sweetie, I'm still a penny-pincher at heart.)

What I am most excited about right now is taking Missy to Disney on Ice in April, hopefully braving Disneyland, enrolling her for a two-year-old ballet class at my old ballet school and visiting family and friends. I'm also taking on some voice students which will be good for me.

So there you have it. My goal is to have fun. And really, I think it is going to help me. What about you? Does fun come naturally or do you have to remind yourself every now and then?

I'm an idiot.

Sometimes, I think I depend too much on my husband's brains, experience, knowledge and overall smarts. Now that we are going to spend the next 3.5 months apart while he is away for work, I'm having to "get smart." For example, I don't know how my husband knows so much about computers, but he does. Thanks to him I passed Ed Tech in college! I've always heard him say words like "ethernet" and "router" but didn't think to ask him what they meant. I figured that he knew and that was good enough.

I'm living with my parent's and trying to get my new, beautiful laptop hooked up to the world wide web, to no avail, because of a silly password that we don't have. ARG. How can this be? We bought this computer so I can use it while I am here. I emailed my computer-savvy brother who was most likely the one that set it up and he didn't have a clue what the password was. He said, "Just plug the ethernet cord into the router." Easy for him to say! My dad and I tried some cord that didn't work.

So now I am here, typing on my parent's slow, archaic, ugly, not-cool computer waiting for a call from My Hero to ask him how I can do all of that because I never cared enough to ask him about computers.

I'm also investigating the home-buying process with a hubby half-way across the country for a house completely across the country! Talk about a crash course. I think I have been going along in life thinking I know all I need to know. I'm now realizing that there is so much that I need to know and understand. It's humbling, but at the same time exciting to think that I can get familiar with something that seems overwhelming.

What about you? Do you depend on your hubby for certain things? What is the one thing that would be the hardest for you if your husband was gone for an extended period of time?

Do you know how important you are?

I attend the Marriage and Family class at church for Sunday school and the following quotes left an impression on me. I hope it helps you see how important you are!

"I don't remember much about her views of voting nor her social prestige; and what her ideas on child training, diet, and eugenics were, I cannot recall. The main thing that sifts back to me now through the thick undergrowth of years is that she loved me. She liked to lie on the grass with me and tell stories, or to run and hide with us children. She was always hugging me. and I liked it. She had a sunny face. To me it was like God, and all the beatitudes saints tell of Him. And sing! Of all the sensations pleasurable to my life nothing can compare with the rapture of crawling up into her lap and going to sleep while she swung to and fro in her rocking chair and sang. Thinking of this I wonder if the woman of today, with all her tremendous notions and plans, realizes what an almighty factor she is in shaping of her child for weal or woe. I wonder if she realizes how much sheer love and attention count for in a child's life" (Marriage and Family relations study guide, p. 47).

I used to feel that my husband's job and work was more important than mine. This made me feel like I wasn't worth much and that my job wasn't as important, but this quote from Pres. Ezra Taft Benson helps me understand my true worth:
"'Women have claim on their husbands for their maintenance, until their husbands are taken' (D&C 83:2). This is the divine right of a wife and mother. While she cares for and nourishes her children at home, her husband earns the living for the family, which makes this nourishing possible" (Marriage and Family relations study guide, p. 39).

Kicked Out

I got kicked out of bed this morning. No, my husband and I are not fighting; my daughter kicked me out. You see, every morning around 5 or 6 she cries and I bring her into bed with me. Then I get her a bottle and we sleep until 8 or 9. When I tried to squeeze back into bed, she squealed and flailed her legs. Sheesh. Thanks a lot. I tried again. Not happening. I'm awake enough so I decide to, what else? catch up on some blogs. How I love blogs. Nothing like being one click away from not feeling lonely or bored.

So this week I'd like to talk about having a second baby, since that is on my mind and I'd love to hear your perspectives. Honestly, I think it is weird to be pregnant again. I don't think it is common to feel that way, but I do. To me, it seems like my insides are a warzone after the first, how can it possibly be cleaned up in there and ready for a second? Also, how in the world is my body able to have another? Didn't my first baby sap enough from my bones? And last of all, how can I have another full-time job, when I already have one? I don't have the fear of not being able to love the second as much as the first because I'm too busy worrying about all of my other weird fears.

I'm finding though that there are some perks the second time around. First of all, I'm not as fearful. I know everything will be fine and I know what I'm getting myself into. The first time around, I was definitely excited but didn't have a clue. This time around, I know about all the hard things that are coming up, but for some reason all the good is overshadowing it. For example, at my first ultrasound for Missy I thought to myself, That doesn't look like a baby. Second time around, I cried. I knew what that little image had the potential to be and I felt so lucky and blessed to have another.

It truly is marvelous to be a mother and I'm grateful to be a woman. My life's work is to be around beautiful children of God and to think of others before myself. I can't wait to see where mothering will take me in 20 years.

What was being pregnant the second time around like for you? Did you have any fears? What is it like to have two or more running around now? What brings you the most joy as a mother?