Life of the "New Girl"

It's sad to be the new girl and have no one notice your new haircut. Oh well. I guess I'll just get used to it.

Do you like being new or do you hate it?

My husband was right

My husband is right about lots of things but this one in particular I want to point out.

A few months ago, My Hero suggested the purchase of a GPS unit for the car. "Ugh" I balked. "Can't we just go on Google maps and scratch down the directions on the back of a receipt in purple ink? That would save a lot of money."

We did buy the GPS unit and it has become my best friend. I especially enjoyed it's friendship today when I drove into Baltimore for the first time. So many streets, so many jay-walkers, but that little voice kept me focused. On the way home I had to detour because of construction and she just figured out a different way. Oh how she makes life so peaceful and secure.

I really am so grateful for that little piece of technology and I am grateful for My Hero for being so right!

What about you? What piece of technology do you love right now? Do you love it or secretly hate it if your hubby is right?

The Equation in my Mind

My feelings of worth, when it comes to motherhood, waver from time to time. During some moments I feel like nothing is more important than what I am doing, and other times I feel like I'm at the bottom of the food chain.

For the past few weeks I've definitely been low. Moving across the country and not having a home for a week and now waiting for "things" in an empty house has added to feelings of inadequacy. "What is it that I do again?" I ask myself. What makes it even harder is the fact My Hero is making the most amount of money than he ever has in our 5 years of marriage. Good, yes, I'm not complaining. It's just that I compare myself in a big way. We have been going out and making big purchases for our home and family and I can't help but feel that he is more important because he makes the money. The equation in my mind goes like this: Making Money=Important, I don't make money=I'm not important.

Fortunately, after hitting a low there is no where to go but up! This morning Missy was helping me make breakfast (her new favorite task). I said, "Ok, let's make eggs." "Pan," she says, and heads to find the pan. Then I got her up on the counter to help. "Butter," she says. Then, "Cook" then "Careful." I couldn't believe all the words that were coming out of her mouth and I suddenly realized that she learned them all from me.

Later, we sat down in our camping chairs and upside down diaper box to enjoy our breakfast together and for the first time I asked, "Missy would you say the prayer?" "K" she says and puts down her juice. She folds her arms and brings them up to cover her eyes and begins, "Heavenly Father, mumble mumble, Food...Eggs...Amen!"

So, I may not be able to buy a car but I teach my little one how to speak, and I'm not able to buy new furniture but I teach my daughter to pray. It makes me realize how perfect the Lord's plan is to have a husband who can provide and a mother who can nurture. I guess I'm not at the bottom of the food chain after all.

What about you? How have you been feeling lately?

Still got it!

Today while I was driving, some guys in a car waved, smiled and honked the horn at me. It was a bit shocking since I haven't had random guys flirt with me since way back when flirting was my only means of communicating with the opposite gender.

I flashed a cheesy smile which I'm sure made their day. If they have to resort to flirting while driving then I'm pretty sure any form of reaction would make them feel pretty good about themselves.

What made me giggle more than the attention was the fact that they couldn't see my wedding band or the bulge that is my 7-month-pregnant belly. HA! If only they knew.

When was the last time someone flirted with you? Were you flattered or just creeped out?

Pregnancy Discrimination.

It exists. And I hate it.

When I was pregnant with my first child, I was finishing up school and doing my student teaching. Student teaching is by far one of the worst experiences anyone ever has to go through, in my personal opinion at least. I did not get along with my cooperating teacher and communication was dismal. So when my supervisor from the college wrote on my letter of recommendation all the wonderful things I did in the classroom, you can imagine my surprise when he went on to blame the dysfunctional relationship between the cooperating teacher and me on, what else? Pregnancy. Shock, utter shock. How can one (or two or three in my case) be so narrow minded and flat out stupid? I was appalled and of course nothing was done about it, even though I complained. Heck, he even spelled my name wrong.

So why am I bringing this up? Because the sensitive nerve that was afflicted many years ago was hurt again today. I called my health insurance provider because I was confused about 2 bills I received and a claim summary. I thought the claim summary went along with the bill and didn't know why I received a second bill. I thought the bill was paid for and take care of. Also, it didn't add up that the claim summary was not the same amount as the bill. If all that was confusing for you to read then you can imagine my state of mind. The lady on the phone was able to clear up the simple matter and let me know the bill was still pending (which is why I received another bill from the DR) and the claim summary was for lab work done on a wart. I have been to a doctor about 1,000 times in the last 10 years for my wart and no one has ever taken a biopsy -- until a month ago. I forgot about that lab work.

So all in all it was a simple misunderstanding on my part and I was grateful to have it cleared up. Perhaps the woman on the line didn't want me to feel stupid or embarrassed so she offered this explanation, "Oh, you are pregnant." Excuse me? I wanted to say. I have been alive for 314 months and have only been pregnant for 15. And let me tell you...I have made A LOT of dumb mistakes. So please, please, please, do not blame my silly error on the MIRACLE that is happening in my body.

Trauma for the Mama.

Imagine this. You take your child to the doctor for a well-baby check and shots. The doc pokes around at the baby and things are fine. Then he wants to give the shots and the baby starts to panic. The baby knows that getting shots are not fun. So, the baby screams, squirms and flails. "Hmm..." The doc says. "The baby is healthy and should get this polio vaccine, but I'm only going to give it to her if she lets me. Once she is sitting perfectly still and NOT crying, I will administer the life-saving vaccine."

So that isn't exactly what happened today, but here is what did happen.

I took Missy to the dentist to have her teeth cleaned. She has been once before (to a different dentist) and they made her teeth shine. Try as I may, I have to pin the poor girl down every night to scrub her teeth. I also knew that she wasn't due to for a cleaning for another month but I was willing to pay out-of-pocket to clean up her mouth. There is this one spot that builds up and I can't get it clean. As a new mom, teeth have been a source of stress and worry, next to getting her to sleep.

I even talked to My Hero and we decided that paying extra money to have her teeth cleaned was well worth it.

So we got up early this morning to make it to our 8 am appointment. Filled out the paperwork and tried to take Missy potty (which didn't work for the little fact that after our recent excursion to Sea World she does not want anything to do with big potties that flush while she is still on them). So that was a bit stressful.

Finally, we make it to the dental chair and they put on cartoons and give her a balloon. She's content. The dental assistant comes in and asks me about my concerns. I tell her about the build-up and I want to get it cleaned off. I tell her that she has been to a dentist before and I had to pin her down to get her teeth cleaned. "Oh." She says. "I will only clean her teeth if she lets me. I don't want to take it too far." Excuse me? I pin this girl down every night to brush her teeth. It may be harsh but I love this girl too much to let her teeth rot. I plead with the dental assistant, "I need to get her teeth cleaned. I have to pin her down for shots too! I'm worried about her teeth." She takes my concern lightly saying, "We don't want to traumatize her. At her age, coming to the dentist is about getting used to it."

Shocked. I'm absolutely shocked. Are two-year-old teeth any less important than adult teeth? Should I just not brush her teeth either? Do you think I enjoy having to brush her teeth every night while she screams?

The dental assistant checks her mouth and sees the yellowy-gunk I was telling her about. "Oh, I see that. It is just a stain." Just a stain?? The dentist comes in and I pin Missy down so he can look in her mouth. "Ah yes, a stain." He confirms. "You don't want to let that decay." DUH!!!!! THAT IS WHY I'M HERE!" I feel like screaming. "Well, you can go to a dentist who will do that, but we don't do that here." I told them I thought this was a pediatric dentist. "Oh, we do work on children." Ones that don't scream, they think.

So I walk out of there with no bill, thankfully, but a traumatizing experience perhaps more for me than my precious little one. What hurt so bad was trying so hard to do the right thing for my child only to have a professional tell me, "We don't want to traumatize her."

So I started to think of all the other "traumatizing" things I do to her. She cries to go to sleep some nights and for some naps. She cries because she wants to watch more T.V. She cries because she is in her car seat. She cries because I take something away. She cries because she doesn't want to get dressed. I could go on. The fact of the matter is, she doesn't always want to do something I want her to do, even if it is in her best interest. My job is to see she is taken care of.

Now, sometimes she doesn't want to get in her leotard and tights but I still make her. Is ballet essential? Of course not. But once she gets there, she likes it. If she hated it even after taking her for a month I would reconsider. Does she like getting her teeth brushed? Heck no! But wouldn't it be great if she had healthy teeth a few years down the road? Yes sirree!

Granted, there are PLENTY of things that I am relaxed about. Does she sometimes skip a bath? Yes. Did she sleep with me for her first year? Yes. Do I always wipe her hands and face after a meal? No. Does she watch T.V.? Yes. Do I always force her to get dressed? Not if we are going to hang around the house. The point is, there are plenty of things that I let go, but for really important stuff like TEETH, she will have them cleaned.

So even though I came home in tears I realized that I'm willing to fight for my daughter. I'm willing to stand up for what I think is right. I'm not just going to take what they say and be OK with it, because they are in scrubs. I am her mother and I care about her.

What about you? What do you stand up for?

The honeymoon is over.

I knew this would happen. I knew that things would settle down and life would get a little harder. I knew it couldn't last forever. It's true...life is getting a little dull now that I'm settling into my new life living with my parents. For the first week and a half I was busy rearranging my room buying needed things like a stroller and lamp, seeing old friends and enjoying Missy's new sleep breakthrough.

But now it is March and I feel I'm at the point where I am going to sink or swim. March 2nd was a very BLAH day. I stayed up way too late the night before and read an entire book, had nothing planned for the next day and didn't want to go out. The combination of being tired, cranky and unmotivated was very depressing. I resolved to do better the next day and so today we had a fun day at the park with dear friends, Missy had a long nap, I made dinner and cleaned it up for my parents.

I also reevaluated my goals. Initially they were vague, dreamy type goals that I never really nailed down. I have a habit of trying to be too serious and making goals that make me, for lack of a better term, a "better person." Yes, I realize that is what goals are for, but I was taking it a bit too seriously.

I decided that what I really needed to do was have FUN. Hmm....that is a new concept. It seems that somewhere between going off to college and getting married knocked some fun out of me. It is true that I have a lot of fun with My Hero, but I think the whole trying to be a grown-up thing really stressed me out.

So what is on my agenda? How shall I take on this monster of a goal? Easy. Take each week at a time, with big things to look forward to over the next three months and to not worry about spending some money. (Don't worry, sweetie, I'm still a penny-pincher at heart.)

What I am most excited about right now is taking Missy to Disney on Ice in April, hopefully braving Disneyland, enrolling her for a two-year-old ballet class at my old ballet school and visiting family and friends. I'm also taking on some voice students which will be good for me.

So there you have it. My goal is to have fun. And really, I think it is going to help me. What about you? Does fun come naturally or do you have to remind yourself every now and then?