"My Life is Boring."
Yesterday, my head was spinning. I was trying to think of something fun that Missy and I could do. Maybe we could go to the park or the library. Then reality set in. I don't have the car but I do have a messy house. No fun for us. As I thought about the things I desperately needed to get done like the laundry and scrub the bathroom I realized that these chores are what make up a big part of my life. This lightbulb moment was weird. I finally accepted the fact that my life is boring and felt content about it. I do enjoy a clean house but I think I've fought it during this past year. I couldn't accept that cleaning was my major job. I wanted to do other things. Now though, I'm happy when I think of myself as a cleaner. I can do this.
"I Could Have a Boy."
Two days in a row at the park I witnessed boys playing with swords and shields and I literally shuttered. "I don't know if I'm up for that" I thought. Then a sweet peace came over me when I realized that the Lord will give me what I can handle. I told this to my husband that night over dinner and he commented that that could mean having a boy. I told him I knew that, but that my boy could be sweet (disclaimer: boys who play with swords are sweet, I'm talking in big generalities here.) Then my darling husband replied in a voice so gentle and sincere, "Of course he'll be sweet, because that is how he'll be treated." I told him that was the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. Today we went to the park and My Hero ran around with our adorable neighbor boy. Once I could see it and imagine more clearly I realized that having a boy would be so wonderful. My Hero looked awfully cute with a little sidekick.
"I'm Experiencing a Conflict of Interest"
This week hasn't been my best. My "nesting" instinct is in full force and all I want to do is get my house sparkly, but my best intentions are being thwarted by that silly need to get lots of rest in the first trimester. Not only does my body crave more sleep, the thought of being unconscious is more appealing than being awake with that incessant nausea. I feel really bad when I know I can get much more done, but my bed is calling me. So I let it go, I don't finish everything I should, but I love being a happy mommy. I hate Grouchy Mommy Syndrome.
"Let it go, Amy, let it go."
I've been telling myself this lately. I'm trying to not let things bother me. I had to work a little extra hard today. An unexpected doorbell ring came this morning. I nervously went to the door wondering who it could be. I was delighted to look through the peep-hole and recognize the man in uniform was from the Orkin pest control company. I swung open the door, flashed a big smile and said, "Hi! How are you?" You see, I've had ant trouble for the past week and needed his help desperately. Maybe he was caught off guard by my exuberance or friendliness. The next thing out of his mouth was, "Have we met before?" "Ummm....no I don't think so." I mumbled, thinking this wasn't the type of professional conversation I was expecting. I didn't want him to feel uncomfortable so I probably stammered a little bit more. He solved the confusion by thoughtfully saying, "Oh, you housewives all look alike." I wish I had a picture of my expression. Jaw dropped, gasping for air, shocked at being summed up and called a housewife? I never thought of myself that way. While we talked business about the ants I kept telling myself, "Let it go, Amy, let it go." Ohhh, how I struggled. Good thing My Hero had the day off because I immediately reported the offense, laughed a little, and realized that I can't help what other people say but I can quickly forgive and not build up a wall.
"Extreme Emotions"
Nothing makes me happier than the opening credits of "The Office" and nothing makes me more sad than the end.
So there you have it. 5 simple things I'm learning along the way. What have you accepted and come to terms with lately?
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10 comments:
The Office gives me the happy vibe too! Love the post, it's all so true and things that I need to realize for myself!
I also love the office! But on the Boy note. I may not be a expert but I do have two little boys. and they are soooo much fun. I was worried about the sword and the loud thing, but they are who you raise them to be. Although you can't take the boy out of the boy. Although my boys love playing swords, superheroes, and cars, they are very polite, London says Please, Thank you, Excuse me, and is not a super loud kid. He is rambunctious but what kid isn't it? and that's just them being kids, boy or girl. But just because they are boys, doesn't mean they have to be loud, annoying, and rude. They are raised but what their parents teach, and you are a great, kind and wonderful mother, so if you do have a boy, he will be well behaved and sweet just like you two, but remember that boy's will be boys, and to not take that away, You'll do great if you have one, I know it.
That was the sweetest thing your hubby said about raising a boy! I couldn't picture any of your kids (boy or girl) turning out to be anything but sweet. Glad you think your neighbor kid is adorable and that you would want to use him to daydream about having a boy in the future. Hearing that totally made my day! It is true: they can be unruly if you let them, but if you raise them with kindness, boundaries and a whole lot of love, they'll turn out to be sweet boys.
I don't know you, but I saw your comment on Esthers page about girly girls, then I read your comment on your page about being nervous about a boy who seems rough or mean. I have a 2 year old boy, and he is the sweetest child. He loves hugs and kisses, and stories, and I have a 5 month old daughter, and he loves her, and gets her blankies and sings twinkle twinkle to her. However my son does play with lots of other boys his age that are rough and mean, I do believe it is all in how you raise them. I am just praying that I have enough time to instill in him a sure foundation of being gentle and kind while maintaining his manhood (he loves sports) before these other boys steal his innocence from him, or make fun of him for his sensitivity. Good luck, and don't worry, you sound like you know what your doing!
Ahh, The Office. Some of my favorite memories of you and little Missy. (And your hero and mine playing computer games or something else.) I am sad to hear you are feeling bad. I am proud that you think of yourself as more than just a housewife. You are doing such a wonderful work in that home of yours, and it is so much more than keeping it clean. Keep your chin up and remember just how wonderful the world is to have you.
I am still struggling with the whole cleaning the house thing. It feels like no matter how much I clean nothing ever looks clean because I have kids and messes magically appear. I so admire your attitude about it. You are amazing!
I can relate to so much of what you said. I admire you for being so honest. Love The Office-that's mine and dh's time we always sit together and enjoy the show. About maybe having a boy, I have 4 girls and my last is a boy. When I was pg, I always said and thought-I'm not going to know what to do with a boy after having all girls, but I had nothing to worry about. I can't explain it, but you just know what to do and I'm excited about things that will be different having a boy.
Ahh the house cleaner issue. Something I struggle with ALL THE TIME. It's been very hard for me sometimes to accept that I, a college graduate, am consigned to basically clean as my daily chore. But it's all about attitude, as I've been learning. I consider teaching, playing with, and caring for my son my real 'job' and then somehow I get a better perspective on the rest. For example, if I'm to teach my son the importance of cleanliness, responsibility, and hard work, what easier way is there than in his own home with the most basic of tasks.... day in and day out? Of course since he's only 7 months old he's not really learning that right now but he will, and I'd better use the time I've got to shape up and start practicing what I preach.
/end soap box ramble
I know that shuddering feeling you talked about when you see boys playing with swords. I also get that shudder when I hear kids being mean to each other. I'm not sure I've come to terms with it yet but I know X already likes to pretend to fight with swords and he is not even three! I agree with another post-er who mentioned trying to instill goodness before the sensitivity and innocence is taken away. One way I do that is to limit TV (much harder when you live in someone else's house).
I am glad that you are such a good example of being forgiving. One thing I am trying to come to terms with is living in a house where being a "stay-at-home mom" is looked down upon. Little comments like, so what are you going to do while you're here? are very hard on the self-esteem. I need to practice "letting it go" and stop worrying about trying to prove myself. Thanks for the reminder!
Amy, you have such a knack for writing! I love reading your blog. Congratulations on another pregnancy. You and Lanky must be such darling parents. How old is your little sweetie now? You are wonderful and I am so glad you found my blog. Lots of hugs! Melissa
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