*Thanks for sounding off about phones! I enjoyed reading every one's perspective.*
I just got my new book in the mail, "Mothering and Fathering: The gender Differences in Child Rearing." In light of all the same-gender marriage opinions I wanted to better understand why having a mother and a father is in the best interest of a child. I read a review of the book and thought it would enlarge my understanding, as well as help me understand the different approaches between My Hero and I. You can find a link to this book on my shelfari bookcase.
I eagerly opened it today and have enjoyed it so far. The author's main thesis is that most child-rearing is done by a mother (female perspective) while most advice is written by experts and doctors (male perspective). She argues that both perspectives are important and that the mother should not push away her motherly instincts in favor of a supposed expert. In it, the author Tine Thevenin, cites quotes from men from the early ages.
The first is from the book of Proverbs. Her version says, "The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother." What?! The bible talks about whipping a child? I can't believe this. Sure enough I opened up to the King James version of the book of proverbs and found this "Withold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell" (Proverbs 23:13-14).
If your parenting philosophy includes spankings, then this scripture will bring you comfort and validation. If you don't believe in spanking you may take solace that Proverbs is in the "old Testament." Jesus Christ brings to light many new teachings in the "new Testament" such as "And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you" (Eph 4:32).
The next quote is from Aelfric (c. 1000) an Anglo-Saxon monk and writer. He said, "As he spared his rod, he hated his child."
The third and final quote that really gave me a good laugh, mostly because I found myself nodding in agreement with the idea of validating a child's feeling and "mourning with those that mourn" (Mosiah 18:9) and then was completely slapped in the face. It is by Maffeo Vegio a Fifteenth-century Florentine poet. "Mothers say 'no' to no request. They let [their children] have their way; they take their side when they complain about the hurts of their playmates or the blows of their teachers, just as if...they themselves were injured. Finally, they allow them complete license for whatever they want....What could be more monstrous than this easy and permissive education, which mothers in particular are wont to follow?"
So there you have it. The man's view of child-rearing throughout the years. Whatever your philosophy, take to heart the next time someone offers advice (male or female) that doesn't ring true for you, that it is just advice. After all, you are a mother and the Lord has given you characteristics and abilities that will benefit your children.
When you disagree with your spouse over parenting issues does it just aggravate you or ultimately work out for the benefit of all? What are the benefits you've seen in your family (past or present) by having a mother and a father.
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6 comments:
If I find a book or get some advice on child rearing that sounds good to me, I will follow it, but I also make up a ton of things by myself, for better or worse. I think it is so nice for children to have both a mother and a father to provide balance. I know I am way too lenient with our kids, and I appreciate the firm, while still loving, way he deals with them. Of course there are some things, that even after 4.5 years of having kids, we still don't agree on. I don't necessarily think either of us are right or wrong, we just have different opinions. I think Dallas is really good at being consistent and teaching the kids to be respectful and obedient. I feel that I am better at seeing when maybe the kids are acting out because they are tired or just need an extra hug instead of a spanking. It is good to have that balance because all these things are important. I know that it is important for my kids to be respectful and obedient, and I am so thankful that my husband is better at laying down the law than me. Beyond that, I need to have a husband because he is my rock. I feel like my life is somewhat of an emotional roller coaster, and it is so nice to have someone who can think clearly, and who loves me even when I am having a crazy day!
I was going to vote on the poll but realized that none of those options fit - so here's my vote: "Don't read any crap parenting books and simply parent the right way"
This post made me so mad that I had to go and spank all my kids multiple times.
Oh, and I spanked them with the Old Testament, by the way...
I'm laughing really hard right now at Dallas's comments. Especially about this post making him so mad he had to go spank his kids multiple times! That just struck my funny I guess. Parenting can be rough sometimes. I could relate with what your friend Emily commented on, how her husband is more consistent and such. That is how Wayne is and I am not. We have had many discussions about my need to be consistent, it is hard sometimes. We have some different ideas on parenting and that has sometimes caused problems. All I can think to say right now is it is rough. That's real hopeful huh? :) Do you have a book that has given you good ideas on how to parent that you are trying to use? What does your Hero think of the books you read and does he get into doing the parenting methods with you?
Erin,
I agree. Dallas' comments are very funny. My favorite books lately on parenting are on my shelf to the right. I really like Alfie Kohn's books. Especially unconditional parenting and punished by rewards. It is really fun to talk to my hero about some issues, because he generally agrees and goes along with it. I usually talk his ear off about what I'm learning and then I notice him using it in his parenting. I have really enjoyed working with him on that. I like that he goes for my crazy ideas! Also my new book, mothering and fathering, is giving me greater appreciation for 'his way.'
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