Imagine this. You take your child to the doctor for a well-baby check and shots. The doc pokes around at the baby and things are fine. Then he wants to give the shots and the baby starts to panic. The baby knows that getting shots are not fun. So, the baby screams, squirms and flails. "Hmm..." The doc says. "The baby is healthy and should get this polio vaccine, but I'm only going to give it to her if she lets me. Once she is sitting perfectly still and NOT crying, I will administer the life-saving vaccine."
So that isn't exactly what happened today, but here is what did happen.
I took Missy to the dentist to have her teeth cleaned. She has been once before (to a different dentist) and they made her teeth shine. Try as I may, I have to pin the poor girl down every night to scrub her teeth. I also knew that she wasn't due to for a cleaning for another month but I was willing to pay out-of-pocket to clean up her mouth. There is this one spot that builds up and I can't get it clean. As a new mom, teeth have been a source of stress and worry, next to getting her to sleep.
I even talked to My Hero and we decided that paying extra money to have her teeth cleaned was well worth it.
So we got up early this morning to make it to our 8 am appointment. Filled out the paperwork and tried to take Missy potty (which didn't work for the little fact that after our recent excursion to Sea World she does not want anything to do with big potties that flush while she is still on them). So that was a bit stressful.
Finally, we make it to the dental chair and they put on cartoons and give her a balloon. She's content. The dental assistant comes in and asks me about my concerns. I tell her about the build-up and I want to get it cleaned off. I tell her that she has been to a dentist before and I had to pin her down to get her teeth cleaned. "Oh." She says. "I will only clean her teeth if she lets me. I don't want to take it too far." Excuse me? I pin this girl down every night to brush her teeth. It may be harsh but I love this girl too much to let her teeth rot. I plead with the dental assistant, "I need to get her teeth cleaned. I have to pin her down for shots too! I'm worried about her teeth." She takes my concern lightly saying, "We don't want to traumatize her. At her age, coming to the dentist is about getting used to it."
Shocked. I'm absolutely shocked. Are two-year-old teeth any less important than adult teeth? Should I just not brush her teeth either? Do you think I enjoy having to brush her teeth every night while she screams?
The dental assistant checks her mouth and sees the yellowy-gunk I was telling her about. "Oh, I see that. It is just a stain." Just a stain?? The dentist comes in and I pin Missy down so he can look in her mouth. "Ah yes, a stain." He confirms. "You don't want to let that decay." DUH!!!!! THAT IS WHY I'M HERE!" I feel like screaming. "Well, you can go to a dentist who will do that, but we don't do that here." I told them I thought this was a pediatric dentist. "Oh, we do work on children." Ones that don't scream, they think.
So I walk out of there with no bill, thankfully, but a traumatizing experience perhaps more for me than my precious little one. What hurt so bad was trying so hard to do the right thing for my child only to have a professional tell me, "We don't want to traumatize her."
So I started to think of all the other "traumatizing" things I do to her. She cries to go to sleep some nights and for some naps. She cries because she wants to watch more T.V. She cries because she is in her car seat. She cries because I take something away. She cries because she doesn't want to get dressed. I could go on. The fact of the matter is, she doesn't always want to do something I want her to do, even if it is in her best interest. My job is to see she is taken care of.
Now, sometimes she doesn't want to get in her leotard and tights but I still make her. Is ballet essential? Of course not. But once she gets there, she likes it. If she hated it even after taking her for a month I would reconsider. Does she like getting her teeth brushed? Heck no! But wouldn't it be great if she had healthy teeth a few years down the road? Yes sirree!
Granted, there are PLENTY of things that I am relaxed about. Does she sometimes skip a bath? Yes. Did she sleep with me for her first year? Yes. Do I always wipe her hands and face after a meal? No. Does she watch T.V.? Yes. Do I always force her to get dressed? Not if we are going to hang around the house. The point is, there are plenty of things that I let go, but for really important stuff like TEETH, she will have them cleaned.
So even though I came home in tears I realized that I'm willing to fight for my daughter. I'm willing to stand up for what I think is right. I'm not just going to take what they say and be OK with it, because they are in scrubs. I am her mother and I care about her.
What about you? What do you stand up for?
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8 comments:
That is crazy! If they don't want to deal with kids that cry, then don't take kids as patients at all. I'm sorry that happened to you. You are right, if you don't fight for her then who else will. Being a parent is hard work, trying to do the right thing for your kids and feeling all too often like you've missed the mark. I put plenty of pressure on myself, but then to feel like you are being judged by others makes it that much harder. You are doing a great job and as parents we just have to do what we feel is right for our children.
No special words of wisdom for you on the tooth situation, but I do have some advice for those automatic toilets!!! Just cover the sensor with a paper towel or piece of toilet paper and remove it when she's done. That way it won't flush while she's still on it.
Good luck with the teeth thing. Hopefully it can be taken care of without "traumatizing" her! =)
Hey Amy, I would love to see pictures of you guys, but unfortunately I do not have access to your family blog. Hank does, but when I see him for an hour a day, I never remember to ask him his login info. Could you just send me an email to jessicalynnreuter@yahoo.com? I love reading your posts and keeping up to date on the familly. Take care!
Why is parenting so backward like that. I know of a friend that often has to battle her children's teachers just to get her kids taken care of at school appropriately. It's just crazy. I am so sorry about the trauma. To me, you sound like an excellent mom.
A dental assistant should be taught the basics! My heavens! She should have known better than to tell you those lies. Every child needs to learn that some things in life are hard, but necessary. I know adults who don't have that concept down and they are very insecure and unhappy. You are doing the right thing!
I just cringe these days when I hear the word dentist. I'm sorry you had such a traumatic experience. It sounds like you are being a very good mom and I need to do better with my kids teeth. That's just kinda weird if they are a kids' dentist. You'd think they would have better skills at working with little ones like that so they could get something done. I fear taking Kenner to the dentist. Hopefully I don't end up with the same story. Good luck finding someone who will care for her teeth the way you want.
wow! spencer was like that but thankfully lyena loves to brush her teeth and is great at the dentist. so far evie is more like spencer. but we must do these things for them because no one else will. and you are doing great, i've seen you. and the toilet thing.. well krystal's advice is great. i know a mom who carries post-its in her bag just to cover the sensor. that happened to lyena twice in the same "sitting" and she at first was nervous and then she laughed and said, "that's too loud."
Well you are an excellent mother for wanting to fight for your child. Really, no one else will, even those who profess to be there to serve them (i.e. dentists, teachers, etc.).
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