My feelings of worth, when it comes to motherhood, waver from time to time. During some moments I feel like nothing is more important than what I am doing, and other times I feel like I'm at the bottom of the food chain.
For the past few weeks I've definitely been low. Moving across the country and not having a home for a week and now waiting for "things" in an empty house has added to feelings of inadequacy. "What is it that I do again?" I ask myself. What makes it even harder is the fact My Hero is making the most amount of money than he ever has in our 5 years of marriage. Good, yes, I'm not complaining. It's just that I compare myself in a big way. We have been going out and making big purchases for our home and family and I can't help but feel that he is more important because he makes the money. The equation in my mind goes like this: Making Money=Important, I don't make money=I'm not important.
Fortunately, after hitting a low there is no where to go but up! This morning Missy was helping me make breakfast (her new favorite task). I said, "Ok, let's make eggs." "Pan," she says, and heads to find the pan. Then I got her up on the counter to help. "Butter," she says. Then, "Cook" then "Careful." I couldn't believe all the words that were coming out of her mouth and I suddenly realized that she learned them all from me.
Later, we sat down in our camping chairs and upside down diaper box to enjoy our breakfast together and for the first time I asked, "Missy would you say the prayer?" "K" she says and puts down her juice. She folds her arms and brings them up to cover her eyes and begins, "Heavenly Father, mumble mumble, Food...Eggs...Amen!"
So, I may not be able to buy a car but I teach my little one how to speak, and I'm not able to buy new furniture but I teach my daughter to pray. It makes me realize how perfect the Lord's plan is to have a husband who can provide and a mother who can nurture. I guess I'm not at the bottom of the food chain after all.
What about you? How have you been feeling lately?
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6 comments:
I agree, there are highs and lows. But for me it is more of a feeling of inadequacy that I can't ever seem to get as much done as he can. WIth full-time school and a busy church call my hubby still manages to get things done around the house. I am home all day and wonder why I can't seem to get things done. But then I remember it is because I am reading books with the kids or filling their other needs. So, we are a team and that is how it should be. He helps me and I help him.
Thank goodness that we have husbands to do the money making because I cannot imagine being a working mom and having to carry that load on my own. I am in wonder of the many women who do just that!
I feel the same way you two do at times. I think it is so easy to compare ourselves and our "work" to our husbands and their "work" and somehow forget that it's like comparing apples and oranges. Both are good and both are important but they're not the same and you can't use the same 'measuring' standards to determine how worthwhile their work and our work is. And yet, there is still some overlap; for example, Ben makes 99.9% of the money (I just started a little jewelry business and so far I'm making a little money to play with) but he never pays any bills. I am the financial planner and accountant. And of course it's not just me that teaches Aaron or plays with him. So really, we're not quite so compartmentalized as we think are. But anyway, your post really hit home for me.
I agree that we "working" mommies have high and lows. I know I do but I don't compare myself to my hubs in that way. I think of him working hard all day and me playing with the kids and almost feel guilty that I get to stay home and nurture all day. It's truly exhausting work and when all I want to do is sleep, I think of my hubs putting in his full eight and I remember that I should too. Speaking of, time to fold that laundry. When I exercise, get some friend/girl time, and adequate rest, I'm less like to feel low. I think we have to search a little harder to find how important we really are. It's not as apparent as the traditional work and all its accolades. Hope you get your stuff soon and get settled so we can get together again.
You are most certainly not at the bottom of the food chain! Just think, if all the important, money-making people in the world never had mommies, they wouldn't be able to do the things they are doing. Mommies are the most important people as far as shaping the world goes. We may not feel that way all of the time, but it doesn't change the fact that it's TRUE.
I so feel like that too. I think it just happens, especially to those who have contributed to the money pool in the past. But sometimes I feel opposite because I get to stay home in my lovely abode with my sweet little one while the hubby goes off to slave away every day.
Thanks for putting this topic out there. I really needed to hear what people have to say. My sister and I just talked about a similar thing--the competing desires to raise a family and to have a career. I think I've had all the feelings that people above described. Sometimes I feel guilty for just "playing" with X all day or getting to be home or visiting the zoo or whatever. Many times I feel grateful that he works hard enough so that I can stay home to raise kids, etc.
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